Did you know it’s December!? I just tossed out my Jack-O-Lantern like two days ago. And wasn’t Thanksgiving yesterday? I swear I remember eating turkey last night. Or hunting turkey. Or pretending to be a turkey. And now Santa is all up in my grill demanding to be acknowledged. Well you know what? I ain’t acknowledging shit until I get some damn hot chocolate and a bleepin’ candy cane!
Sorry. No, no. I’m sorry. It’s apparent that I’ve got a case of the Christmas Grumps, and there’s only one way I know of the cure it. First, a healthy dose of pine juice. Mmmmm, sappy. Next, a frolic through the Tinsel Forest–nude. Lastly, a few reindeer games.
Okay, I’m feeling much better. Now if the sky would just open up and give me snow, I’d be the happiest boy in Toyland.
I’m Tony by the way. And if you’re new here, perhaps part of the Holiday Hop, you likely think I’m a wacko. You might even be alerting the police as you read. I’d ask you to please reconsider…if my mouth wasn’t full of reindeer meat. (What’d you think I meant by reindeer games?)
Sorry. No, no. Really. I’m really sorry this time. Seriously. And to make it up to you, I have a contest. I’m giving away a Holiday Mystery Bag to a random winner. All you have to do to enter is leave a comment telling me your favorite…uh…flavor snow man? Also, be sure to leave some way of contacting you if you win (e-mail address, twitter handle, etc).
The great snow angel in the sky would also like me to mention that all the winners of the holiday hop contests will be entered to win the grand prize: A KINDLE FIRE! Oh, hell yeah.
So, you know. Enter.
If you’d like to follow my blog (Google friend connect), or my twitter page, or my newsletter, or friend me on Facebook, or stalk me at the supermarket while I’m trying to buy kumquats, go right ahead. You don’t get bonus points or anything, but you just might find that you like reading my stories.
Speaking of which, there’s nothing to buy right now, but there are plenty of free published stories on my fiction page. My first novel comes out in a few months too, so stick around. You might even find you enjoy naked jogs through the Tinsel Forest too. We have so much in common. Let’s get married.
Happy Holidays!
(weirdo).
***Now go back to the Holiday Hop page and click around the other great contests!***
Thanks for the chance. If its international enter me please. My um favorite flavour snowman (hehehe) is mint chocolate chip.
Oh, mint chocolate chip! That’s very festive.
I had Santa all up in my grill once. He didn’t even see it coming. He was way harder to get off than dragonflies though.
I’ve never licked a snowman (I can’t believe I just said that), but a Guinness snowman would be good. Everything’s better with Guinness.
Happy hopping.
Ha! Nice one 🙂 I’d go for a Guinness snow man, sounds delicious.
LOL. No Snow Please!!! Have a great Holiday. =)
But but but…I love snow! 🙂
I prefer Man-flavored Snowman. >:D Happy Holiday Hopping!!
Ha! So my first thought here is the depraved horror thing: either the snowman is covered with blood, or you decided to hide body parts in each snowman segment. Then there’s the well…uh…the depraved *sexual* way to look at that statement. :-p
If there was any way to make a snowman gin-soaked, I’d take it!
When I win, you know where to find me 😉
Optimistic are ya? :-p There is *absolutely* a way to make a gin-soaked snowman. I know these things.
Yeah, this no snow for Christmas is getting a little out of hand. Kind of hard for us Eastern folks to get in the mood without it.
Ah right, favorite kind of snowman. How about a Peppermint Mocha Snowman. Why yes, I’m aware hot chocolate would melt the poor guy into all kinds of grotesque mish-mash…but he’d smell yummy and taste good in agony.
So the elf shook things up huh? She’s kind of impish that way ;). (Hugs) Indy
I captured the elf. She is now slaving away in the kitchen, cooking all manner of delicious Christmas treats. 😀
Ooh! So torture is the name of the game huh? Sure you want to enslave me in the kitchen I got a bit of cough, coughing (gives another fake cough for good measure) going on here? Might make sickos of us all. ;0
Hi Tony! My favorite flavor snowman is anything but lemonade!
Wishing you a wonderful holiday season!
Julie
julie.jansen(at)yahoo(dot)com
Ha! Don’t eat the yellow snow…man. Happy holidays! 🙂
Flavored snow man? Hmmm. I’ll go with creamsicle. Yeah, baby.
Good one!
Absolutely love your blog! Your wackiness is refreshing and original! I love it! I am sure that your book will be awesome too. I liked, friended, subscribed, and I’d stalk you but that is just too much right now ;0)How about we share a virtual cup of cocoa? *Lifts her cup* Cheers!
Cheers! Thanks so much; I’m glad you like the site. I figure for every three readers I scare away, there’s one like you who can take a bit of joking around 🙂 *Sips cocoa.* Mmmm, needs more elf tears.
Well if I get to flavor the snowman I’d take an Irish Coffee flavored one. I use whiskey, Bailey’s and a touch of coffee because well, I can! Oh and Tony you’ve got a bit of reindeer meat stuck in between your teeth. Use one of the ribs as a toothpick.
a_breen87@yahoodotcom
*Pick pick pick.* You were being nice, that wasn’t just a bit, it was a hunk! Still tasty though. 😉
Hahaha! Well now you have a hunk to turn into jerky ~.^
hmm i think id like a blueberry/rasberry snowman Yumm!!!!
californiazgold@gmail.com
berry blast!
Tony?! Really? Are you sure this really isn’t Reid, my husband? Sure sounds like him. So Reid…I mean Tony…you KNOW what kind of snowman I like…a dreamsicle. One I can lick and munnch on and…oh, what?! This really IS Tony?! Oh dear, so embarrassed. Um, will you still enter me in the giveaway? Um, leaving now…
I get that *allll* the time. Yes, you are entered!
Aren’t you brave. Licking snowmen is for sissies. Now licking metal poles is for real men! Hee Hee. Seriously though, try putting koolaid in a spray bottle, and spray the snowman. Then lick. Mmmmm.
deanna_boocock@hotmail.com
I triple dog dare you! 😉
My favourite flavor snowman would be a Chocotini snowman….yumm!
Great site.
Happy hopping!
My twitter is @last_lines
– Kim
Hopping from “Dragonfly Scrolls”
Yum!
I’d go for a chocolate flavored snowman.
Classic and delicious. 🙂
Pina colada sounds good…think he’d mind holding one of those little umbrellas? Sets the mood, ya know. Might not feel right without it. Merry Christmas!
Frosty is an obliging sort; he’s cool with it. 🙂 Happy hopping!
As a kid, I loved drizzling real maple syrup on snow and eating it. So, I’d be down for a maple flavored/colored Snowman!
@sduzy496
Mmmm, breakfast snow. 😉
Five top choices would be:
Salted caramel macciato snowman
Frozen margarita snowman
Mango slushy snowman
Candy cane snowman (ahem)
Herradura soaked snowman
You have the most fun contests 😉
Yes! I’ll take any one of those, but I’m leaning towards the Herradura-soaked snowman. 😀
I know how you feel. We finally got our tree up and decorated today. We are not organized by any means.
Favorite flavored snowman….I’m going with bubblegum. 🙂
Ewwwww! I’ll skip bubblegum flavored. :-p
Oooo–a cup full of snow with some sweet liquor poured over…YUM.
Or a candy cane martini…
Or any martini…
🙂
Oh yes, one for me too!
Stopping in to wish you well with your contest 🙂 and may you have many visitors!
Thanks! And you too.
For some Scavenger hunt fun, follow me to my Holiday Hop! http://wp.me/P1tm4H-bc
Come on! Let’s have some hoppin’ good fun!
🙂
I see the snow is coming down where I live. Time to get me some tequila and make a Margarita Snowman!
Ooohhhhhhhh! I really want it to snow.
Love the wackiness/humor/prankster. Have to have a little bit of madness to write (at least in my own opinion) 😉 Hmm, my favorite flavor snowman would have to be Kahlua with whipped cream, caramel, and chocolate drizzled all over.
Tony want! 🙂
My favourite flavour snowman would be candy floss which I think you call cotton candy. And they do look a little cotton candy like don’t you think?
That may be the perfect snowman flavor. 🙂
OK, this was funny! I think my favorite would have to be the same as coffee! Peppermint Mocha!!! Two favorite things in lofe are reading with a coffee in my hand! I look forward to hearing more about your upcoming book and checking out the short stories as soon as I hit COMMENT! I am following via GFC!
Thank you! I do hope you like the stories available. I have some more coming out over the net couple months, and news regarding the novel very soon. Coffee!
Hi, if this is an international giveaway i would love to be entered.
My favorite flavor would be rasperry/strawberry
i follow by email
all the best
isabelle(dot)frisch(at)gmail(dot)com
I always used to get the blue raspberry slushies.
So THIS is where all the Christmas spirit is! I should have stopped by sooner. My bad. =[
Anyhow, my favorite flavor: white chocolate raspberry truffle, of course. With edible eyes.
Of course! 😛 Ah ha, edible eyes. Now that’s using yer noddle.
Joining the crowd (but dang it, I am NOT a follower, I am a LEADER…see what you’ve reduced me to? LOL) I’d have to say that IF I ever lick a snowman, my pick would have to be a Crown Royal (all the way baby!) snowman!
Off to lick my wounds (and I WILL be soaked in Crown Royal) at becoming a follower lol
Thanks for the giveaway!
-Dawn aka dawnmomoffour
Ha, nah, not a follower! Nice choice, if I do say so myself.
Love your wackiness, so I ‘friended’ you everywhere!
hmmm, my favorite flavored snowman you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. It would have to be the buttery nipple snowman. Yep, that would do it!
Have a great day, I look forward to more wackiness, as well as reading your works. Congrats and good luck with that upcoming novel!
Sonia
mamaelk1113 at gmail dot com
Ha! Good one. I don’t think I’ve ever tasted a buttery nipple snowman before. 😀
My favorite flavor Snow woman is … butter pecan.
Mmmmm, butter pecan.
I’d have to go with Cookies and Cream. Mmmm, is it okay for another man to have a favorite flavored snowman?
It all depends on where you take your first bite from. :-p
Since I live in Australia and it is hot right now having a snowman let alone a flavored one would be something of a miracle 🙂
therefore I choose Ice flavor, which hopefully I will be able to eat before the snowman dies a very quick death.
Oh! Poor Frosty.
Tony, I’ll happily trade your snowman with a nutty banana blizzard from Dairy Queen. NO, I’m not nutty, just the blizzard… Please keep the snow on your side of the country. I’ve shoveled enough snow back home in Romania to last me this life time and the next ten as well. For the rest of this lifetime I’m backing nicely in the AZ sun 😉
Happy Holidays!
Awww, but snow is so much fun! I’ll admit, those DQ blizzards are darned good too. Happy holidays. 🙂
i had enough snow the day before halloween this year…..now if it were flavored with hazelnut i just might wish for more!! when i read this blog i didnt think you were weird….completely…..but alot like me, maybe “special”? hehe u speak my language fluently….Gutter!
yankeedragon4 @ gmail .com
Sweet! I had no idea I was bilingual. 😉
ok, i promise im not a stalker! i just checked out the rest of ur blog and found out we have a bit in common…..both born the same year in ny…and we both live in NEPA…in fact, you live (saw u on facebook) 5 minutes from where i work…….again…not a stalker, just saw northeast pa and started pokin around 😛
Ha, no worries, I think the whole computer age has redefined what stalking is. :-p That’s pretty cool that we are so close. Small world and all that jazz. 😀 Feel free to friend me on Facebook.
I think my favourite would be cookie dough flavour =)
@Read_2_Review
yummy!
My fave would be cherry, on a child-like snow person, but the grown up version is definitely a fine Chardonnay! And I’d slurp it…(funny how the most innocent of posts can sound downright dirty 😉
Nearly everything I say turns out to be a euphemism or innuendo. 😛
I would like an Irish Cream flavored snowman, I think that would be yummy.
GFC as seriousreader
seriousreader at live dot com
Gotta love the alcoholic snowmen.
I love this thread!!! This is the first time I had to sit and read every single post and reply!!! I’m very excited, can you tell? Ok, I think I’d pick….the original flavor. What’s the original flavor, you ask? Well, if you don’t know, I’m not telling you, it’s a closely guarded secret.
meghan_L_P at hotmail dot com
Ha! Classic snowman. (I am just now realizing, based on some responses, that I was very un-PC by not calling it a snow “person.” But then, when’s the last time you saw one with boobs?)
Glad you’re enjoying the thread!
If licking is involved make mine a peppermint schnapps flavored snowwoman.
mmmmmm. 😀
If I were going to eat a snow “man” I like cherry. It would definitely be a first. By the way, you are a f’cking riot. Love your sense of humorous. If you ever come to Southern Ohio, let me know. I wodn’t miss it for the world. I’ll pay for the alcohol… I have a feeling we will definitely need it. Merry Christmas.
Oh yes, alcohol is a must! If you read through my older posts, you’ll find I’m a home brewer too.
By the way, my email is highwayman99c@Aol.com
I would love a Root Beer flavored snowman, I would also bring along a tumbler with which to devour him slowly in. Oh, he’d get it.
If I were to suggest pulling out a blender, a bottle of Patron, some lime juice, sugar & salt & making frozen margaritas….would that make me cannibalistic? Or just a man-eater??
elizabeth@bookattict.com
Poor Frosty… Too bad he is *so* delicious!
Mmm…frosty! With the right things, he can be the sweetest snowman! lol Id love a chocolate and strawberry flavored one. Yum! 😉 Just the right amount of sweetness with a burst! ;D I love your blog and your sense of humor. Im following. 😉 Hope you have a wonderful Christmas! Happy holidays!
shadowluvs2read(at)gmail(dot)com
Well, the peppermint kind of course! Peppermint Schnapps. You know….a big swig for me, a little lick of the snowman….a big swig for………..oh, yea….me, a little lick of the snowman……a big swig for me……Hey, aren’t you gonna join me???
Happy Holidays to all!!
Thewildtwo {@} sbcglobal {DOT} net
Does reindeer meat taste like deer meat or does it taste like Christmas?
I’m thinking of a frozen hot chocolate with some peppermint schnapps 🙂
Morganlafey86(at)aol(dot)com
I had two an Amaretto and a Tequila snowman in the front yard, but the Christmas Carolers got them. Though I must admit the Christmas carols got very loud, with really interesting lyrics after that.
“SILVER SNAILS… SILVER SNAILS…”
pmjg(at)e-jama(dot)net